I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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