I didn't shave. On purpose
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
