battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize