shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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