i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize