I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
