Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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