rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
