at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
