You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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