Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
