I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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