I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
