My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
