lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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