i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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