first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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