I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
