Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize