In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
