dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize