"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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