I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
