i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
