i jhust puked up my retainher.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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