This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
