do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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