So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
