I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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