My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
