do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
