Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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