happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
