If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
