is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
