New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize