I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize