the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
