I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
