were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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