Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
