I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
