Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
