Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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