...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Enjoy the penises
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
