that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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