I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
