I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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