I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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