hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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