No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
