I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
