im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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