The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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