Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
