Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
