My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
