the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
