Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
