I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
