Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize