Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
