in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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