Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
