wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
