I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
