I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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