just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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