I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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