I faked an abortion last night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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